An open letter to Microsoft about Windows 10

“Money isn’t as important to our organization as knowing who to trust.”

– Mr. White, Casino Royale

Dear Microsoft,

I’ve been using your operating systems for a long time. My first was MS DOS 3.2, back when I was a teenager. I remember Windows 3.1, and even Windows 3.0. While the rest of the world was using Windows 95 and 98, I was running my critical applications on Windows NT 3.51 and 4.0 (my father owning a computer company at the time had its benefits).

And, we really need to talk about Windows 10.

Over the last year, both my desktop – on which I run my business and do my professional work – and my laptop have needed to be replaced. They were showing their age, and they were both due. But whereas a couple of years ago, replacing them would be easy, today it is considerably less so.

You see, today I have to find a way to avoid Windows 10.

I managed it – the new desktop runs Windows 8.1, while the new laptop runs Windows 7 Professional Edition – but it wasn’t easy. Staples, one of my usual office electronics sources, even lost a sale from it – they had a Windows 10 machine that met my needs, but the more I learned about Windows 10, the less I liked it, and they had no Windows 7 or 8.1 machines.

So let’s talk about why I’m avoiding Windows 10 like the Black Death.

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Fisking Peeple...

I don’t usually do this – in fact, this may be my first time – but in this case, I can’t resist.  For those who are unaware, Peeple is an app supposedly launching in November that allows users to rate other people they know...and before they supposedly changed it, without the consent of the person being reviewed.  In the wake of the massive (and well-deserved) backlash, the CEO posted an update at the top of the company’s webpage.

Well, I generally won’t join laying on the hate, but this message was too damn much.  I’m fisking it.  In fact, this is the first time I have EVER felt the need to fisk anything!

So here we go...

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An open letter to the makers of South Park regarding the misrepresentation of Canada

Dear Matt and Trey,

I have been a Canadian fan of your show since its first season, but I cannot remain silent after this most recent episode’s blatant misrepresentation of our great country and culture.

First, Canada does not have a President.  It has a Prime Minister, who is not elected but appointed by the Prince of Canada, and anointed with the sacred maple syrup upon his inauguration.

Second, Canadians do not play music at a designated time every day.  Instead, we engage in an interpretive dance recalling the founding of our great country and the awesomeness of our glorious Inuit, and the wonders of their laser eyes.

Third, no Canadian could ever bring him or herself to live in a simple house.  Our culture forbids the use of dwellings that do not at least bear a resemblance to an igloo.  Any Canadian family in the United States would be required by our cultural heritage to have their house rebuilt into the shape of an igloo.

Fourth, Canadians would never build a concrete wall preventing Americans from entering our great country.  We would make it out of ice, with igloo decorations.

Fifth, for all your talk of the really cool things in Canada, you have shown none of them throughout the entire run of your series.  How can you not show our annual Running of the Polar Bears?  Yes, it has been condemned by the United Nations as being inhumane to every living thing involved, but Canada could not truly be Canada without it.  How can you present our glorious Inuit without their laser eyes?  And how can you, in good conscience, continue to depict our cities as boring and dull – like your American cities – and without their many igloo skyscrapers, igloo shopping malls, and igloo cathedrals?

Shame on you, Matt and Trey.  Shame.  If you must continue to present Canada on screen to your viewers, please make at least some effort to be accurate.

An open letter to Bob “Moviebob” Chipman (along with everybody else who has received similar news)

Dear Bob,

I’ve been a fan of your work for some time, and I read your recent news with great sympathy.  I know all too well what it’s like to receive life-changing news from your doctor – it has happened to me too.

I’m not going to provide unsolicited advice – frankly, I’m not qualified, and even if I was, from the sounds of it you’ve already got really good people advising and guiding you through it.  But, I will tell you a bit about my own experiences.

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